A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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