I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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