You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
