I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
