your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So vagazzling was a success
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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