I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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