If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
now i know why i became what i already was.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
