Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
