So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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