This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
