I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
