bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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