I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
