theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
