As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
