rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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