I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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