I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
