from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
