just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize
