She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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