I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She told me I should be a condom model.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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