i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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