My Higher Power is John Stamos
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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