too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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