I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
