holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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