Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
