Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
