This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This show inspires me to have sex in space
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
