he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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