Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
