I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
