it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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