i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
