it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Damn victory sex feels great
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
