were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
