we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
