Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
