yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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