I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
