I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
