I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
worst night to have a conscience
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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