I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
