Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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