I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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