sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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