she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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