I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize