Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
