I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
