youre lurking in front of me
Do you still have your period?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
