sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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