I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
