How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize