no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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