...so i touched it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
