Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
