what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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