I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
