i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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