wrigley field is MILF paradise
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
