I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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