That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize