Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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