He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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