vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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