The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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