Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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