it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
