she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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