You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's always time for handjobs
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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