I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
