shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
