u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
